我是蛆
一只疯狂蠕动的蛆
迈扣与巴基的狗
GGAD"Thirty-Five Owls" (双语版)9
January 1st, 1953
Dear Gellert,
亲爱的盖勒特，
You do seem to realize that you will not talk me out of my plans for the object in question, for which I am glad. It would be a shame to wear the wings off owls arguing over this for the rest of our lives.
看来你确实意识到你不能就那个问题说服我改变计划了，这让我很高兴。遗憾的是，我们的余生都要在猫头鹰的翅膀上讨论这件事了。
Of course I have felt it, the temptation of it, as you have. But do you realize the danger of it, old friend? Surely the old history of Ilmarinen has spread to your corners of the North. There are some things that must be destroyed. And it is not, Gellert, alive. This is crucial. It has no memory, no soul, no life within it. It is not murder to end it, to prevent it from drowning future generations in blood as it has ours.
当然我感觉到了它，它对我的诱惑，就像你曾经感受到的那样。但是你察觉到它的危险了吗，老朋友？伊尔马利宁的古老传说即便是在偏远的极北之地的你也听说过。有些东西是一定要摧毁的。而它，盖勒特，它不是有生命的。这很重要。它没有记忆，没有灵魂，没有生命。毁掉它并不是谋杀，而是使下一代免于沾染上像我们曾经经历过的血腥。
One of its powers, I fear, is that the wizards that bond to it do so with an obsessive passion that borders on twisted love. I am saddened to see you affected by this. But I will not apologize for what must be done for—yes—the greater good. The future will be better off without the temptations this thing offers. Breaking its blood inheritance will turn over a new leaf in the relations between the powerful wizards who are steeped in the mysteries...oh, dear. New leaves. I'm afraid that writing on New Year's Day makes me maudlin.
它的能力之一，让我感到担心，就是会使所有拥有它巫师燃起一种可怕的激情、这种激情进而转化成一种扭曲的爱。我很难过你也同样被它所影响。但我不会为这些不得不做的事道歉——是的——为了更伟大的利益。没有这种东西的诱惑，未来会更加美好。打破它沾满血腥的传承将会为那些沉迷于神秘力量的强大巫师之间的关系翻开新的一页……哦，亲爱的。崭新的一页。在新年的第一天写下这句话让我酒入愁肠，尤其伤感。
But, yet, again, I am sorry for the condition I must leave you in.
但，仍然，再说一遍，我为我不得不对你做的事感到抱歉。
Yet you are correct. Cruel as it is to say, it is the truth—I am ashamed, to have been your lover, if 'lover' is even the word for such as us. Yet it is a small pleasure that I am able to provide you with some comfort through those memories. I thought, though, that you liked hearing the screams of Muggles?
你说对了。虽然这么说很残忍，但这是事实——我现在为曾是你的爱人感到羞愧，如果“爱人”这个词是形容我们的话。我的荣幸，能够通过那些记忆带给你一些安慰。我想啊，想啊，你过去还是更喜欢听麻瓜们的尖叫吧？
It is a bad habit of mine to distract people with sweets. In lieu of that, perhaps, more books? I think Gertrude's grammatical eccentricities might provide you with some entertainment.
利用甜食让人分心是我的一个坏习惯。或许，更多的书可以替代它们对你的吸引？我想格特鲁德的那些古怪语法可以聊作消遣。
I admit, Gellert, that I've been thinking overlong myself on our boyhood time together. It has been so long since I was so intimate with another, without fear, without withholding. You are correct again: I cannot change history. And it is difficult to deny the joy of those months spent in abandoned pleasure and ambition, when I thought that you and your brilliance would save me. But the cost, Gellert. The cost! You left me burying my sister and forever uncertain of my own decency. You left me with parts of myself I must ever hide.
我承认，盖勒特，我的思绪仍停留在那段我们曾经一起度过的少年时光。我已经很久都不曾有过如此亲密的，没有恐惧，毫无保留的关系了。你又说对了：我无法改变过去。所以我无法否认我们一起度过的那无拘无束的几个月中沉迷于身体上的欢愉与远大的抱负，我那时以为你和你的才华能拯救我。但是代价，盖勒特。代价！你抛下我走了，留下我埋葬我的妹妹，面对着永远无法安宁的自己的良心。你抛下了那个我不得不永远隐藏起来的自己。
Ah, here is the dawn, coming up cold and misty over the Scottish hills. No potted fields here around Hogwarts—wild enough for you, I dare say. The clouds are thick round the dark forest near the grounds, and I have not slept tonight, and I...
啊，黎明已经从寒冷多雾的苏格兰山丘上亮起一角。在霍格沃茨周围都是未曾开垦过的荒原，这里可没有那种小小的绿化带——而且我敢说，即使是对于你的口味来说，这里也足够荒蛮。浓云密布在球场旁的禁林周围，而我一夜未眠，我……
Enjoy your books, Gellert.
阅读愉快，盖勒特。
[enclosure: Everybody's Autobiography, Gertrude Stein]
[附：每个人的自传， 格特鲁德·斯坦因 ]
译者注：
1 Ilmarinen 伊尔马利宁，芬兰语又称维纳莫宁，他被世人描述为“永恒的吟游诗人”，一位古代的英雄，一名有影响力的萨满巫师，其神话地位相当于芬兰的亚瑟王。
2 maudlin 饮酒后的伤感
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